Blast-Off Minus 20 Days

I, Byron Barnett, need to see a space-allergist.

I just found out that the nasal spray I use here in Arizona (Nose-Floze) won’t work on the Moon.

The good news is, there’s no pollen in space, which is the stuff in flowers that makes you sneeze and whatnot.

The bad news is, there’s cosmic dust flying around Cosmopolis, even though the whole place is quite climate-controlled.

Mom says they have an excellent space-allergist up there and she already made me an appointment for the day after we land. As long as I don’t have to get shots, I’m sure the treatment will be tolerable.

Also I can live with some cosmic dust up my nostrils and even a small amount stuck in my nasal cavity if that’s the price an allergic individual such as myself has to pay for living off-Earth.

Who cares about sneezing if where you’re expelling your mucus is on the Moon?

What’s an itchy eye if while your eye’s itching it’s looking out your bedroom window at the Earth rising off the lunar horizon?

Like so:

I got this picture from the Lunar League Relocation Office. They sent me a packet with a bunch of brochures and so forth about what to expect once I’m Moon-based.

I fiddled with the colors and stuff. To make it more artistically fascinating. (My brother helped.)

But back to allergies: mine are mostly nose-related. And throat-ish.

I get a stuffed-up nose and scratchy throat from all the regular irritants. Your pollens. Your molds. Your pet danders, especially any cat I come in contact with.

If it’s a cat, I also start to wheeze. And my eyes water and my lips start to hurt. I can even get a rash on one or more body parts. It’s highly unpleasant.

The stuff that makes your allergies start up are called “allergens.” Pet danders are full of them. Dander is another word for flakes of skin off an animal that gets caught in their fur. It’s quite microscopic. It’s related to “dandruff” in people.

When it falls off the fur it gets on your clothes and stuff. Also a cat’s saliva is loaded with allergens.

Revolting, no?

I do have one food allergy. I’m allergic to cantaloupe.

People tend to put cantaloupe in melon salads, along with honeydews and watermelons. Cantaloupe’s the orange one and honeydew’s the green one. I used to get them mixed up, but my allergy helps me remember which is which.

I won’t drop dead if I eat a bite of cantaloupe, but the top of my mouth starts itching (and your tongue is not a good scratcher). Once I even got hives on my chest.

Luckily I don’t care for melons. I prefer the berry family. Blue, straw, rasp, boysen.

Out in space the whole allergy situation is completely different. First of all: no cats. Second of all: very few cantaloupes.

But there’s other things up there that you can be allergic to. I already mentioned cosmic dust.

Space seems pretty clean to me, so I doubt I’ll run into any molds and such. I did hear that you can be allergic to very strong starlight out in space. Though that might be a rumor.

I’ll ask the space-allergist at my appointment. If it’s true, let’s hope the treatment involves chocolate.

More soon,

Boon