Blast-Off Minus 19 Days

I, Byron Barnett, just got back from my patrol of The Eleven Deadly Realms.

Not sure if/how my forthcoming relocation to the Moon in 19 days will affect my interdimensional travel schedule.

The Eleven Deadly Realms—I call them “The Deadlies” for short—really do depend on my regular check-ins. I have to make sure no space-vermin have invaded and gobbled up all the comestibles. (That means food.)

Space-vermin have huge appetites. Their appetites are what you’d call “voracious.”

Furthermore I have to get over to The Deadlies on a regular basis so I can reverse the effects of any cosmic whammies that might’ve occurred in my absence.

Yes, living on the Moon will be highly satisfactory. But what if it stops me from making my rounds?

Just to be clear, the Eleven Deadly Realms are all other dimensions, but you get to them by going through the Seventh Dimension. It’s like going somewhere on a plane but with a connection where you have to land in another city first then change planes and take off again for your final destination.

Last week, on patrol in the Fourth Deadly Realm (not nearly the worst of The Deadlies) I discovered six rings missing around Purple Saturn.

S-T-O-L-E-N.

Do you realize how many words there are for “steal”? A lot.

Purloin. Thieve. Pilfer. Rob. Loot. Swipe. Nab. Nick. Snaffle. Peculate. And so forth.

It took me all afternoon to find the responsible party, secure the rings, and get them back where they belong.

I scraped both knees and got a hangnail in the process. And if you know me, you know I abominate hangnails.

Also my tongue tasted like burnt frog for two days afterwards.

Not that I’m complaining as such. Cosmic robbery is nothing new in The Deadlies. But what if I hadn’t been able to get over there to set things straight?

True, Purple Saturn is in another dimension, but if everybody only worried about their own dimension’s law and order, where would we be as a society?

You see my point.

More soon,

Boon.

P.S. On my way out I took this snapshot of Purple Saturn with all its rings back in place.